Greater is coming!

“ You went through all of that for your oil to flow, now your greater is coming” 

Greater is coming- Jekalyn Carr ( I recommend listening to this song)

Have you ever been through a season in your life where you felt pressed to your limit, crushed, and even pulled to the lengths of yourself?

Because I have. 

It took some time for me to understand what God was bringing me through, but once I did, I was so grateful that he chose me. 

And no, I'm not saying that what I went through was amazing, it was the total opposite, but the growth and the spiritual maturity that I received from going through that situation really allowed me to fall into the lap of God and closer to him.

I was once in a dark place that I felt like I put myself in, I grew apart from God, and was exploring the thrill that the world had to offer. I didn't think about the consequences, or maybe I did, I just didn't think that it would impact me so greatly as it did. The thrill that the world once had to me quickly turned into sorrow and disappointment which led me into a dark tunnel that I had to go through alone, or though it felt like that at times. 

I remember it so vividly asking myself, do you want to go through it, or do you want to become numb to everything, and continue to find things that will try and make me happy, but will never heal my heart. 

I chose to get through the pain, the hurt, and the loneliness. I didn't know when it would end, but I knew that I had to see the light at the end of the tunnel someday.

Down this tunnel, the days felt different, I had no desire to enjoy them, the smile on my face wasn’t  genuine, and it was bittersweet when the sun was going down, because I knew at that time, I was left to ponder on what I was going through and just cry. 

And I didnt want to admit it, but I was depressed. 

I began to do things that would bring me joy like getting my nails done, or spending time with friends, but after all of that would end, I would still go home to a room that felt empty and a heart filled with regrets.

 I wanted to go back in time and do things differently.

I knew that I had to get better, so I turned to the thing that I knew how to do the most, Praying. 

Praying through times where all I wanted to do is crawl up in a ball and not come out of my room is where I began to see growth. 

When I turned back to my first love, even though I was struggling to feel the presence of God, It was engraved in my heart that he would never leave me or forsake me, what a love that is (Hebrew 13:5). 

Being in that place allowed me to be vulnerable to the Lord again, through my conviction and restoration, Me getting closer to God again became a Goal, I had to get back to that place that I was once in. 

Can you believe that I did not realize that the Lord was speaking to me so actively at times until I couldn't hear his voice at all. 

All of those times where I would question myself, and wonder if that thought in my head was just me overthinking, or was it really God speaking to me, I felt so foolish, how could I ever be so oblivious. Most importantly, how could I get that back. 

I began to push through the depression. Some days were great, other days were the opposite, but I had faith in knowing that one day, I will feel better, I just felt so alone, like no one could understand what I was going through.

 God is married to the backslider (Jeremiah 13:14-15), he will never leave us even while we are in our mess. The love that I once felt never left me, I drifted away from it, but when I ran back to the Lord, the love intensified just when I needed it most..

It wrapped me in the warmest blanket of comfort and compassion while cleansing me of my regrets and shame. It was around this time I began to read my old journals from when I was twelve, and reminisce on my innocence, and how deep my feelings were then, and how deep the love of God was all over me.

I slowly but surely had faith in making it on the other side of the tunnel. One night, I couldn't take myself crying anymore, I couldn't take how one thought of the past would alter my whole mood, and put me back into a depressive mood again, I began to tell the Lord that I surrender! I surrender all of my pain, I surrender all of my hurt, I surrender all of the people who have hurt me Lord, I LET GO, and LET GOD on that night(1 Peter 5:7). 

From that moment, I felt God shift my atmosphere in my life. I no longer felt alone in this fight. In the tunnel, I no longer felt alone because his presence was always there with me every step of the way, encouraging me every step of the way, my light through the tunnel. 

And as I wrote down that last sentence, God showed me something…

Picture yourself in a room, or if you are super visual, picture yourself in a dark tunnel. I don't know about you, but sometimes my mind would play tricks on me, and have me thinking that something was touching me, or I would just be paranoid the whole way through. Now imagine yourself in that same room, or tunnel, with a source of light, a light that will never die out, a light that will stay on the whole way, tearing down every lie that the enemy may try to put into your mind, and showing you the truth every step of the way! Wow! Thank you Jesus!

The tunnel, that once felt alone and empty, now I realize had a purpose, it was a pathway for you to get to your greatness! Do not despise the waiting, or the pressing and the crushing that the Lord is doing for you in order for your oil to flow! Know that you are not alone, at times it may feel like it. But please let me encourage you to get back up in the name of Jesus! ( Proverbs 24:16)

Your Greater is COMING <3

This is comforting for me now, because even while writing this, God has been repeating Let Go and Let God in my head for a while now, through my highs and lows in the past few months, I can say that giving him all of my worries and everything else that has been on my heart has helped me to not worry as much, and to know that he has my life in his hands. I'm not perfect, I'm simply a vessel of the Lord sharing the different ways he pours his love onto us, ask God to reveal his love to you, and you will begin to see it all over your life.

Know that you are never alone, ( Hebrews 13:5).

I love you, but God loves you more - Ray Ray