Blogmas Day 5

“ I don’t know how to feel”

This weekend for me was really busy, I was all over, kind of on auto pilot, which is not totally okay, but spiritually I was very emotional. That feeling is a feeling that I am proud of because there was once a moment where my gift of feeling was being hindered in me, where I literally felt myself becoming heartless towards people and things that I know that I once felt deep genuine feelings for…. “What was going on with me?” I analyzed myself. 

I believed the lie, 

I let the enemy trick me into thinking that every single step that I was taking was the wrong one. I let him punk me into thinking that one mistake that I made was so detrimental that there was no way that the Lord was still going to bless me as he promised… my sister, my brother, that is a lie from the pits of hell. My God is not a man that should lie, Numbers 23:19.

Not only was it a fight to give my emotions back to God, but the experiences  that the enemy introduced to me was never intended for my heart to experience, but we serve a God who fights for us, who gives us grace and redirection to release the things that were never meant for us. Thank you Jesus. 

I resonated with the song "Billie Eilish- What was I made for?” at a time where I genuinely did not know how to feel. The gift that the Lord Blessed me with was being attacked, and I felt like it was all my fault… What was I made for? 

To feel, is a gift from The Lord, feeling his own feelings as my own allowed me to see life through his eyes, and once the enemy tried to steal that from me, I quickly understood what was going on, and got up quickly. When we allow God into our hearts, his character becomes a part of us as well, and that's exactly the part that the enemy tried to take, he tried to separate me from my Father, my one, true love.. Never again.  God has blessed me with a spiritual sensitivity from him that I embrace now, and not push away.

My spiritual mentor, Dyani Neves, made a video where God told her “ your purpose is tied to your testimony” ….sit and think about areas where God has saved you, renewed you… that is your purpose. 

So, allow yourselves to feel on today, cry it out, allow your heart to truly sit and feel The Lord in you, he is there…

 I love you friends… - Ray’s Roux

here’s some bible verses for you to chew on

Romans 12:10

Romans 12:19

Romans 13:10

Basically read Romans lol